Repressed Memories
by magicalnamjoon
Summary: Italy finally addresses some memories he has had from childhood of a boy that reminds him of Germany... GerIta.


Feliciano remembered the day he met Ludwig vividly. Hiding in the dense forest of the Western European countryside, he was terrified to say the least of being found by the opposition. When he was discovered by the German, he was sure he was going to die. However, after he was mercifully spared, he was infatuated with the nation. His rigid politeness and intelligence on the battlefield almost distracted from his incredible physique. The Italian was a real womanizer, so he was taken aback by his attraction to this handsome man. After forming an alliance with the German and realizing his initial emotions toward Ludwig was turning into lust, he tried to make sense of his feelings as he layed in bed trying to go to sleep.

"I only get feelings for pretty girls. I've had rendez-vous with more _donne_ than I care to admit. So why can't I stop thinking about Ludwig?" His mind drifted towards images of Ludwig's bulging biceps as he trained, the way his sweaty shirt clinged to his well-defined pecs and abs. He thought of Ludwig's beautiful blond hair shining in the sun, and his piercing blue eyes that made him feel he was very small but also very protected from any adversity. He took into account the pleasure he felt when the German was able to take the time to eat with him, as it made him feel that he was being helped by Germany not just for strategic planning, but out of compassion, too.

"I like Germany," he admitted to himself. This upset Italy. He had fought off feelings towards men from a young age. He had a conservative Catholic upbringing, and knew that homosexuality would be punished. That's why he made it such a point to himself to express his love towards females. And love women he did - he couldn't get enough of their soft curves and gentle nature. He loved every minute of being in a relationship with women. He was glad he had strong heterosexual tendencies, but it didn't diminish the arousal he felt when looking at handsome men. He hoped this would eventually come to pass after occasional prayer. He also knew it ran in his family - Grandpa Rome was known to have quite a few wild trysts with boys back in his time.

"I've never loved another man, though. Except for… the Holy Roman Empire." This made the Italian stop his thoughts in its tracks. "Come to think of it, Germany looks a lot like that little boy I knew…" He tried imagining how the child he met so long ago could have possibly grown up to become such a beefcake. "He ended up growing a whole lot... He was always taller than me. I believe Ludwig's hair is lighter than that of Holy Rome's, but I know hair color can change over time. I wonder how his personality changed so drastically, though. I feel that Holy Rome felt he was capable of anything. Germany carefully calculates every move he makes, and he's also very resourceful. Could that be a consequence of what Holy Rome went through?"

At this, Feliciano wiped stray tears. "I know countries can change and transform, but does that mean he'll remember me? How would I ask?"

The next day Ludwig found himself daydreaming at a picnic with the Italian nation. Feliciano started clapping in front of his face and pulled him out of a memory of putting flowers in a cute brunet child's hair.

"Germany, Germany, thank God you snapped out of it! Waahh, for a second there I thought you were going to stay in a trance forever. Are you okay now? I hope I didn't hurt your feelings…"

As Feliciano frantically vocalized his concern, the German realized he was having déjà vu. A hundred small puzzle pieces had finally come together in his mind. "I'm all right now. Listen Italy, I have something to tell you. I should have told you this sooner,"

Feliciano winced. "Germany, we're friends, and I think-"

"You never told me about your childhood. I think we have been friends for longer than we thought." Feliciano looked at him carefully. "What do you remember about your childhood?" asked Ludwig.

"I ended up living in Austria's house. Oh, it was a terrible time for me. I did lots of cleaning and was served terrible food." The Italian remembered with disgust.

"What else?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"It sounds familiar to me."

"How? What, don't you remember your own childhood?" asked Feliciano, his heart rate slowly accelerating with hope.

"No, actually. I had never even thought about it, but I realize now my earliest memories are from when Prussia took me in as his own brother out of all our siblings. I was already a young boy."

"Where were you all the years before that?" asked Feliciano.

At this, the taller nation got emotional. "Italy, I was there. There's no way my memory could fail me. But I distinctly remember a day like today, talking to a small child in Italian…"

The Italian's eyes grew wide. "Was there a soft breeze, with the sun high in the sky?"

"Yes!" said Germany. "I remember being out of breath. I remember feeling very determined to chase a little boy. And I just had a memory of putting flowers in his hair just now."

Feliciano's cheeks flushed as his expression became solemn. "Stop talking, Germany. You'll never know how much I suffered waiting for that nation to come back for the last 200 years."

"It was me, wasn't it?"  
"I don't really know, Ludwig. But I want to believe." The sun lowered as their conversation drew on.

"Why do you sleep with me so often? No matter how many times I tell you how annoying you are?" asked the German.

"Because you remind me of Holy Rome! You're big and strong, and I am so pretty! I always like being protected."

Feliciano thought for a moment. "And why do you stay so close to me even when you know I'm useless? You keep visiting my country even after the war is over! Why?"

Ludwig looked the smaller man straight in the eyes and took a deep breath. "I love you, Italy."

"What?! Oh my goodness! I love you, too, Germany! My God!" he wrapped the German in a tight hug. He looked up at the blond. "Do you really mean that?"

" _Ja_ , I do. You make me," he sighed, "the happiest I've ever been."

"Yahoo!" cheered the Italian as he climbed onto the German's lap. The German wrapped his arms around the Italian's waist and kissed his cheek. He rested his chin on the smaller nation's head. "I love you a lot too, Germany. I'm crazy about you! I think of you when I plan out my future. I remember to put time in my schedule to answer your calls because I know you're so busy." At this, Ludwig smiled. "And I've never came harder thinking about anyone else before," said the Italian quickly. Germany was equal parts flustered and unamused.

"Oh, come on, give me a kiss, _mi amore_!" said Feliciano cupping Ludwig's face. The blond bent his neck to lock lips with his beautiful lover, and he had never felt so glad to be alive. "I missed you, so, so much," whispered Italy quietly as a few tears leaked from his eyes. From somewhere deep inside, Germany felt overwhelmed with emotion.

"I missed you too, _Italia_ ," he said.


End file.
